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Something was “off”, and It had been for some time. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but it was the most palpable at Holiday gatherings with my family. The seasons just didn’t hold that special… something anymore. I still looked forward to gathering with my loved ones, but I knew deep down that something was wrong and I had no earthly idea what it was. Things would continue this way for some time before I would come to any realization of why.
In late 2013, I found myself in a prolonged, intensive study of end-time prophetic scripture. I had been sensing the rapid advancement of agendas that pointed to issues and events prophesied in the scriptures. I still do. It was during this period of study that I came to a harsh realization… I was, by definition, a Laodicean as discussed in the Book of Revelation (Ch. 3:14 – 22). I had become the lukewarm, half-hearted believer this passage issues warning to. That realization chilled me to the core.
One night, not long after coming to grips with this, I had a very distinct dream. I was in my home, looking down the stairs at an old free-standing lamp. This lamp had not in actuality, seen the light of day for many years. In my dream however, it was shining brightly from the landing. It stood directly in front of the entry and would have been to the left of someone entering my home. I awoke and was moved to seek out the meaning.
I ran to the stairs to see if that lamp was actually there. It wasn’t. Next I went for my Bible, to the book of Exodus. I knew deep down that the lamp referred to the Menorah in the Tabernacle. I also knew that interpreting the symbolism would reveal a message.
My answer was unlocked in chapter 26, verse 35 which directs the placement of the Menorah on the South wall. Given that the entrance of the Tabernacle was to the East, the Menorah would be to the left of anyone entering. At once, I understood what the Lord was saying to me:
“Your lamp has not been snuffed out. I (God) am restoring order to your household.”
I was undone, to put it mildly.
In early 2014, I felt a strong pull to seek out Jewish believers in Messiah. I’d felt this pull once before, but aside from identifying that there were Messianic Synagogues in my area, I’d failed to answer the call.
One day, while walking to my car, I found myself pondering the opening chapters of the Book of Revelation. I was considering the description of Messiah as presented in Chapter 1: verses 12 – 20. I was specifically focused on the Seven Golden Lamp-stands… you can imagine why. As I opened the door to my car, I heard the all-but-out-loud voice of the Holy Spirit, as though in a soft whisper:
“It’s a Menorah.”
I was, once again, undone. In that moment, I knew that while I had ignored the call previously, I could do so no longer. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the God of the universe had spoken. What’s more is that despite the lack of elaborate dialogue or instruction, I knew exactly what He was saying to me. I knew what this meant, explicitly and implicitly.
I went into a period of intense and even obsessive study of scripture. It did not matter to me – and honestly still doesn’t – where or who the teaching came from. It only mattered whether it was true; “Test all things, hold fast to that which is good… ” (1 Thes. 5:21)
I read scripture and commentary, listened to podcasts, watched videos and researched whatever topic I felt the Lord putting on my heart. I read and listened to countless preachers, known and unknown, ‘Rabbis’ both Orthodox and Messianic, Karaites (well… one really), Hebrew Roots teachers, Theologians, fellow believers – you name it. Even material I knew I was likely to reject was reviewed. My ‘modus operandi’ became “Test all things…” and “The one who gives an answer before he listens – that is his folly and his shame.” (Prv. 18:13)
It was during this time of study that I first became aware of “Hebrew Roots”.
It was clear this theological movement had existed for some time, but I’d been completely unaware. Asleep is a more apt description. It was the first realization I’d had that there were people out there, “gentile” by birth, doing their utmost to obey the Torah (Old Testament Law). I didn’t like it – I didn’t agree, but I was absolutely committed to getting to the truth, no matter the cost.
Further confounding was the fact that, much of what these individuals presented seemed logical. It was often verifiable and coherent with regards to what I saw in scripture.
This became a significant source of struggle for me. I could see a clear theme with regards to the application of “the law”, yet found myself fighting it intellectually at every turn. As a result, I could regularly be found of an evening, pacing back and forth in my garage (for privacy), bible in hand, arguing with God.
No joke. We had it out. You can guess who won.
I argued from Romans, Galatians, Corinthians and Galatians. Yes I said Galatians twice, and yes that’s on purpose. I argued from Galatians frequently. One day however, as my eyes skimmed the text Paul didn’t appear to be saying what I’d always understood him to be saying. Instead of decrying adherence to the Torah, he seemed to be upholding it!?
Theological dominoes… What followed was absolute devastation.
I looked on in shock as walls of thought came crashing down. Like falling dominoes, issue after issue, tradition after tradition and belief after belief toppled before my eyes… but there, at the end of all the destruction, a lone figure emerge from the dust and smoke. The one and only thing that remained was the Messiah; this Jesus, this… Yeshua was still exactly who He said He was.
As I watched, He looked me straight in the eye and smiled. He never spoke a word. Kneeling down among the ruins, He pulled a stone from the ashes and placed it carefully and deliberately upon another.
The Lord brought me to a place where I had to admit to myself that I knew nothing. Much of what I practiced and believed, He revealed to be error. He showed me that He was ready to rebuild and guide me into proper understanding. What could I do but submit?
Line upon line, precept upon precept, we began. At that time, I prayed a very “dangerous” prayer and asked the Lord to open my eyes, to let me read the scriptures as they are. I asked Him to help me lay aside the theological filters I had been taught and simply read the text for what it said. For what HE actually said. It is a journey that continues to this day.
Shortly after this, I began attending a Messianic Synagogue near my home. At first it felt a bit like stepping onto the surface of Mars. Though it was alien in form, it felt oddly comforting and familiar.
I loved the congregation and the teachings I encountered there, but personal logistics worked against me. I struggled with the Shabbat morning service as I was unfamiliar with the Hebrew language. As a result, I could not keep up with the liturgy. Still hungry for teaching, I attended the Erev Shabbat (Eve of Sabbath) services on Friday evenings, which were far more “contemporary” in structure and presentation.
One evening, during service, an excerpt was quoted from the Talmud and another principle introduced from Kabbalah. Honestly, I can’t recall what they were or whether I had an issue with them because at that moment, the Lord intervened – I had an open vision:
I saw a road unfold before me. It was unpaved, but flat and straight. On either side of this road were two very deep ditches; picture a country road set up like a bowling lane and you’ll get the picture. The Lord said to me in that “all-but-out-loud” way of His:
“I said ‘Do not to add to, nor subtract from My commandments. Judaism has added, the ‘Church’ has subtracted…”
I knew in that moment that God was setting before me the straight and narrow path. He was lovingly correcting me; I had just begun to crawl out of one ditch and was most assuredly heading straight for the other.
Not long after this, my personal logistics shifted again. Even Friday evening services proved to be a difficult commitment.
I found a Messianic Synagogue in Macon Georgia that live-streamed their services. It was headed by a man whose teaching style I affectionately refer to as “rock-salt shotgun preaching”… and I truly do mean affectionately. I had come to a place where I could appreciate the smoothing, sanding effects of messages and teachings which seem abrasive.
It is, admittedly, an acquired taste.
For the better part of a year, this was how my children and I would observe Shabbat (Sabbath). Saturday mornings, we would get up and run down the stairs. The children would have their breakfast while I put the stream on the television in their play-room. We would dance and sing with the congregation, listen to the teachings, play and rest.
I developed a voracious appetite for the teachings put forth. I would frequently back-track to listen to prior messages. Two things struck me during this time; the first being the number of messages delivered regarding “not forsaking the assembly.” I knew that God was speaking to me through this man and that I was to find a local congregation and plant roots.
The second was his sincerity and truth-loving nature. He instructed his congregation never to take his or anyone else’s word on a matter. “Test all things…” and to “study to show thyself approved.” (2 Tim. 2:15). It was a call to personal responsibility for our beliefs and it’s a principle every believer should adopt.
He also put forward three core precepts that I carry with me to this day:
- “If it’s new it’s not true and if it’s true it’s not new”
- “Text taken out of context is pretext for proof text”
- “You must resolve every apparent discrepancy in scripture”
I still knew that I needed to find a local congregation. I also knew that I needed to find a congregation that felt “right”, so I set about looking for something that would fit the bill.
In an on-line discussion, I met an interesting character who seemed to know a fair bit about the Messianic & Hebrew Roots movements. He seemed to understand where I was coming from and, it turned out, had been to many of the Messianic groups in my area. After some discussion about each, he encouraged me to have a look at my current congregation.
Nearly a year after this conversation, the day came that I perked up the courage and set out to investigate. I went with a sense of expectancy and I was not disappointed. Scripture says of disciples: “Everyone will know that you are my talmidim by the fact that you have love for each other.” (John 13:35 – CJB) and that was exactly what I saw when walked into my present congregation…